January 8th, 2022
In college dorms, women usually have neat, organized, and decorated rooms, with small lights, coffee mugs, picture frames, and welcome signs; while most guys don’t care about those things as much, and will maybe hang up a couple flags. Why do women clean our houses and feel the need to prepare when we have guests over? Why do we want our homes to be cleaned perfectly, and put together neatly? It is because we desire our homes to be welcoming and inviting. To be a safe place… a comfort for other women, men, children and strangers to come to. To feel loved in. Safe in. Our desire as women is to nurture; to take in, and to heal. Our way of protecting isn’t fighting a bloody battle, rather, it is to heal those who are hurting throughout their own battles. Our way of protecting is being a helper for those fighting in their battles. Genesis 2:18 says “Now the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.’” It was Adam’s job to protect Eve in the garden. These have been our very roles as men and women from the beginning. Our way of protecting as women is being a safe place for those who need comfort and to feel loved. We don’t throw ourselves at men or other people. Rather, we invite. We draw others in, not force ourselves on. We make our homes a beautiful, clean, and a welcoming place. (This sounds a lot like what our hearts should look like). We don’t tempt others with our beauty; we invite with our beauty. A woman who knows her value and worth holds the beauty standard even higher, and she portrays an image of who a woman truly is, which is why many are drawn to her mystery. She inspires true beauty, and stirs minds around her to wonder what great a mystery her soul is. They respect her home and heart, and desire to come to it because they feel welcomed and at home. Her identity is found inside of her soul, and that beautiful confidence and self love radiates through her. She is clothed beautifully because she knows she is a mystery to be unveiled, while remaining a mystery to the world. Her strength is found in her heart that she protects with. She has a strong sense of self worth and loves and respects herself, therefore she is capable of loving and respecting other people. She is not afraid to stand up for what is right because she desires the happiness of every person. She does not stand in the way as an obstacle against purity for other men and women.
~A Reminder To all women~
You are beautiful.
Radiate His beauty.
You bring hope to the world when your heart is hopeful.
Your hopeful heart is a beautiful heart.
You are capable of bringing peace to the world. It is in your very being, in how you were created.
You are someone worth knowing and understanding.
You allure the world with your presence.
You are beautiful, my dear. Your heart possesses the touch of God.
He has gently touched you when he molded your being and your soul with his fingertips, and breathed life into you.
You bring the breath of God wherever you go.
Your very being brings serenity and joy to those around you.
You will always be worth more than you know.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made… and you are worth loving.
Losing Sight of Our Roles: The Women
When we lose our sense of femininity, we forget that we are someone so precious that we are worth seeking out and pursuing. We don’t even allow ourselves to be sought after by men because we are so desperate that we throw ourselves at them. In doing so, we take away the role of a man from him so that he no longer has to fight for us, pursue us, or seek us. We become something that they get for free with no effort rather than allowing a man to recognize the treasure within our hearts that needs to be understood, protected, and pursued.
We’re trying to redefine masculinity into something that it’s not. Society is trying to get rid of the tenderness of a woman, and the true heroic masculinity of a man. We are meant to be sought after. Men search, not sit. Women invite lovingly, not give of ourselves desperately. Men aren’t meant to sit and wait for us to throw ourselves on them; for this to happen, it would mean that both the man and the woman are warping their roles. Men desire a journey, it is not our job to take their journey away from them. Let us be a part of the journey they embark on in search of discovering our hearts. We should be at their destination, helping one another to our destination, and not be an obstacle to them or their purity along the way.
Losing Sight of Our Roles: The Men
Loving someone is not a state that we are constantly in. It is a choice that we have to make every single day. Why? Because a choice always requires action. We must choose every day to love in action. Some days are easier to love in than others. Loving still remains a choice. I have noticed a difference between a man not caring, and a man handling a situation calmly. How courageous it is for a man’s initial response to a situation to be calm, rather than aggression. Kindness, and firm protective masculine gentleness is so much more protective than aggression, anger, and fighting. He does not feel the need to prove his strength or assert dominance. Rather, he earns respect from others and makes the women around feel even more loved by being a courageous protector, not an angry defender. Courageous, in that he does the right thing in a difficult situation, which is to step up, but to do so lovingly, not angrily.
He loves and respects himself and his body, and is able to love and respect the bodies of others, especially women. He chooses to protect the heart and body of every woman by choosing to protect his own eyes, and seeing every woman as a daughter of God. He is faithful to his future spouse in the way he chooses to live purely every day. He acts on his desire to grow and seeks out opportunity. He acts off of faith and not fear; this shows his trust in God, and that he relies more on God than his own strength. He gives of himself freely in service and puts his all into his job, studies, and work ethic. He surrounds himself with good people, mentors, and has strong brothers who know each other’s battles and fight alongside one another. He stands up for what is right and isn’t afraid to defend truth. He is loving not only to the woman he desires to be with, but to all women- the ones he knows or doesn’t know… he respects them at all costs, and this shows the respect he has for himself, and his soul… he guards his heart, so that he has a pure heart to give. A man desires a beauty to rescue. It is perhaps one of the bravest, most loving, protecting actions when a man is tempted to look at a woman impurely, and rejects it immediately. Wow, how much incredible strength that must take for a man, especially in our culture today. In doing this, he defends her, in all that she is- her body, her dignity, her femininity, her humanity. In doing so, he becomes her hero, and is strengthened in his masculinity. In shielding his own eyes and body from her, he is choosing to love and respect all other women, especially the one he desires to give of himself freely. One cannot give of themself freely to the other if they are held a slave to their own body or the bodies of other people- whether it be physically or mentally. All men have their own battles, but they must be willing to fight at all times, alongside one another, or they will never defeat and conquer, obtaining victory in the end.
Respecting and Loving the Bodies of Others
The physical aspects of our masculinity and femininity are sacred and meant to bring forth and nurture life. Therefore, the human body and its beautiful mystery must be venerated by all, respected, and kept hidden safely as a treasure is guarded because of its worth. Not as an object for myself to use when I want, but a precious part of my brother or sister to be protected and respected… Simply Because I see their humanity; Their ability to bring life forward, and that is not mine to take advantage of. It is not mine to steal for myself.
What About My Brokenness?
The reason God allows suffering and brokenness is so that we can come to him. He is our healer. My Brokenness doesn’t mean I’m a hopeless person. Just because I may feel lonely or desolate doesn’t mean that I am doing something wrong. These are the feelings that urge us to seek something greater than ourselves, which is the healing from one greater than us all. My brokenness gives me hope. For the more broken we are, the more time God gets to spend mending our hearts- the more ability He has to put us back together. He created us all… can he not put us back together too when we fall apart? If God created me from nothingness, can he not heal me at my greatest brokenness too?
Sometimes, we feel as if our hearts have been pierced. Our hearts feel so wounded that we wonder if we’re even worth loving or even if life is worth living. How could such a broken, ripped up heart be able to start loving again? But wow, doesn’t this aching heart sound just like the heart of Jesus? That the more scarred and torn our hearts are, the more our hearts are like his? Was not his heart too torn apart time and time again by us and thrown to the ground, spat on and trampled on? His heart was crushed even more than yours or mine ever could be. And yet, he is the one most fully capable of loving...most capable of healing our own hearts. He knows what it’s like to feel pure hatred and hurt… but he knows fully how to love through it. The more beat up and scarred our hearts are, the more they are like the heart of Jesus. So let us see it as a treasure, to have such a similar heart to his, to be able to unite our broken hearts to Christ’s broken heart, knowing that He will always give us the grace to love and to give through our brokenness. The world is so broken… we all have broken parts to us. But that is why we are all meant to come together, and to unite ourselves freely, lovingly, and wholly to our brothers and sisters, and help one another be strengthened through our brokenness. Suffering isn’t a useless hole inside of us; rather, I like to think of it as an empty space that gives us plenty of room for growing and blossoming into something more beautiful. We are not weak people; we are people with weakness and we are capable of growth and moving forward because we have a heart that desires something more which causes us to move towards goodness.
One thing I’ve learned throughout my lifetime is that even if you feel invisible, like no one can see you, someone is always watching. Even if you’re all alone, your unseen choices will affect your day to day life, and someone always will see that. People are constantly making judgments, constantly being inspired, changed, or let down in different ways. The way you live your life is molding the way others will choose to live their life too… did you know that? Think about that again. The way that YOU choose to live YOUR life daily, is affecting how others choose to live their own life daily. People learn from your actions, and if we don’t act accordingly to how God desires us to act in our roles, then we are depriving others of learning a good example. If we choose to throw parts of our lives away, to not strive in virtue, to not inspire others that give us a chance to inspire, then we create a lack in the world of a possibility that someone else could benefit from. We are keeping others from becoming a better person. We worry so much about diseases spreading, but we forget about diseases of the soul spreading. If we remain a culture drowning in sin, and don’t aid it with our own growth in virtue and love, then we will slowly all die together. The world looks up to inspiration because the world needs it; and people desire to be inspired to become more of who they are meant to be.