February 19, 2020
A letter to the Heart of a Woman:
Undesirable. I woke up one morning, took a red marker, and wrote this word on my thigh: “undesirable”. I did it as a reminder of all the times that we as women feel undesirable. Unneeded, unwanted, unnoticed. The worst pain that the human heart can feel is that of loneliness; abandonment… that they have no place in society and that their life is worthless, useless, and not worth living.
What do we really desire as women? We want to be noticed, wanted, and needed; we want to be sure that we are delighted in. My heart breaks for those women who feel as though their dignity is lost, and that they are unworthy of good things. Some women feel as though their dignity was taken from them… they feel used, dirty, and thrown away. My heart breaks for women who feel that the only way their dignity is restored is if they put an image of themselves and their body out for men to lust over. They find the amount of their confidence and worth solely off of comments, reactions, and views. The point is this: we cannot fully recognize our authentic womanhood if we are constantly seeking it out only in the labels and rates others put on us. Why? Because if we are constantly looking for affirmation from others, we will never be fully satisfied; because we will always be searching for the person that we are to be affirmed, rather than being at peace with ourselves. This shows that we are not comfortable with who we are. It is an insecurity that is easy to struggle with. But who are they to give us our rank and mark in society?
Having this desire to be noticed, wanted, and needed is a beautiful thing… a beautiful desire. Why? Because it manifests a man’s role in the life of a woman: to notice her, pursue who she is, to fight for her and what she needs. Women, we need to allow men to play this role that they were given.
The Feminine Heart; The True Feminist:
The feminine body. It is a beautiful creation. Why is it that showing more of ourselves reveals less of our souls and tears our authentic beauty away? Why is it that the women who show the world through social media that they are "most confident" in their exposed bodies have the greatest struggles with self-image and self-identity? When a woman shows off her treasured sexuality that should be protected and treasured to all of the world, she is taking something away from all the other women. She is taking away what the other women try so hard to protect in themselves. This is why guarding your hearts and eyes is so important, because in doing so, you are choosing to love all women.
A real feminist should be protecting and upholding the dignity of women… not flaunting her body and allowing every eye to see it. One of the most major problems society faces today is sex trafficking. Kidnappings. Children cannot even walk home safely because there is such a major risk that they’ll be snatched away and never seen again. The worst part is the trauma they face after being taken away. When women choose to treat their own body with less dignity, they are giving others permission to do the same to them. They are advertising their sexuality, and not helping the men around them. The only empowerment she is giving is the empowerment for men to use her even more as an object, and to disrespect her body.
Each woman has a unique gift of her own femininity to offer to the world. That is why it is called “Authentic Femininity.” Women, we all need to stop comparing ourselves to one another, while others are comparing themselves to us. There are two types of comparison: Comparing ourselves to others with what they have and what we don’t, or comparing ourselves to others pridefully, thinking of ways that we are better. We are not supposed to become one another, but rather, be inspired by one another to become more of ourselves and who we are created to be… to become better versions of ourselves so that we can fully offer our gifts to the world. Imagine if every woman offered the same gift? Imagine if we were all the same. Our uniqueness would be taken away. Imagine for a second that there were three of me. If someone met one of me, would the other two be worth knowing? Probably not because there would be no unique difference to seek out. The role that we are meant to play is only found in ourselves… and not in becoming someone else. Our role is meant for us and we need to DELIGHT in knowing that only we have the capability of performing our role better than anyone else ever could. There is a quote that says “There are parts of God that he wishes to show Himself in you. But if you do not live how he wants you to, he will not be shown.” When others choose to speak with you or see you, they are discovering a part of you. So ask yourselves, “What part of me do I desire them to see? Do I wish for them to truly see me as a woman who respects herself, and thus the eyes of others? The ears of others? Do I want them to see that I truly value myself and the worth of my body?” Because the image we make of ourselves will impact the people that interact with us one way or another; and we are the ones who decide what image we put out. We are touching lives without realizing it. If we want to touch the world with our authentic and true, beautiful femininity, first, how do we choose to treat ourselves? Because what you make of yourself affects what you will make of the world. That’s right, you have the power to impact, to change, and to transform. But you also have the power to destroy, manipulate, and ruin. So what do you choose to do with your own heart and your body?
Many women might read this and think “Well that’s all great but sorry, my dignity was stripped away from me without my consent. I had no power over it. I felt weak, and thrown away. I have no dignity left, and nothing to offer.” This. Is. A. Lie. Who told you that you have no dignity? The one that hurt you? The perpetrator? The evil one? Yes, that is where those lies come from. The devil seeks to attack women and their ability to know and understand the value that they hold. Why? Because when he knows that he has emptied out your every thought of knowing why you exist and the amount of capability and power you have to change the world, that he has succeeded in blocking you in doing what you were made for. He attacked the first woman ever created. Eve reflected the full beauty of pure womanhood. But the devil lied to her and told her that she still was not good enough. So who are you going to believe? The devil’s lies, or your Creator’s truth. Your creator that says “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Your creator that says “You are more precious than rubies.” Your creator that says “You are never too far gone.” Your creator that chooses to pick up your broken pieces and restore them into something more beautiful. Your creator that says “You are worth dying for, because You. Are. Valuable. Because I… have created you, and I have given you your value. And because I… have given you your worth and your dignity, and no one can strip that away from you because I... will not let them.” You see, your value was never taken away. You may have just become blind to seeing that it’s there. Your value has and will always remain. Nothing can take away the value that you have. Some things just blind you from the ability to see it, and the world really does suffer from clouded vision.
Why are “feminists” always trying to prove something to the world? Trying to come off as powerful, and telling everyone that they don’t need a man. Why don’t feminists try to prove what a true woman is because that is how they will fully impact the world- by being who they are fully called to be. Ladies, we might be strong, but we need men! We were NOT created to play both roles. Would you rather have all the men in the world sitting back on couches and not doing anything for us? Not fighting for, not pursuing? Not loving us, and telling us “Go protect yourself, you’ll be fine, you don’t need me.” Wouldn’t that make us feel like we aren’t really worth fighting for… that we are not desired? In doing this, we are not allowing men to do their job. We are weakening them, giving to them our hearts so easily without even allowing them to fight for us. We are taking their jobs away from them to be true gentlemen, and then wondering where all the good men are. In hindering men from doing their job, we are destroying men, and yet still wondering what has happened to them.
I have read that “True femininity arouses true masculinity.” This is not talking about an image of a woman arousing a man sexually. That is the world’s false idea of femininity’s role in masculinity. But we need to go deeper here. What is TRUE femininity? And what is TRUE Masculinity? And how do these two terms play such a defined and very special role in the lives of each other and the world? How does a real woman who possesses true femininity arouse a man? Again, I am not saying “arouse” as in “sexually.” I am using the term “arouse” as in “Coming alive… Pursuing… being inspired to uphold the dignity of a woman’s soul and her sexuality.” Firstly, she does not throw herself at him, allowing him to do no work at all. A woman who throws herself at a man is a desperate woman. A woman needs to allow a man to be a man. A man is meant to fight for her. She is a treasure that requires much searching. She should not make herself fully known to the whole world as so easily “accessible.” Why are so many men getting lazy? Because so many times, women are not inspiring a man to be a man. Women so easily give the man what he wants without him even having to pursue her or fight for her. She is stripping away the duty of a man from him when she does not allow him to pursue, protect, and fight for her.
The man is meant to pursue the woman, while she remains a “mystery.” A mystery is not something that we do not understand. Rather, it is something that needs to be discovered… constantly pursued… constantly learned about. Let’s face it… we need men, and men need us! We are both complementary, it’s how God created us. We both have different roles and that’s a good thing! If God wanted us all to do the same thing, he wouldn’t have created two genders! Okay, let’s go back to the garden at the very beginning of creation. And let’s change the story for a second. Imagine that Eve is a strong feminist (the world's idea of a feminist). Satan tempts her to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and she will be great… she will be like God; her authentic femininity “isn’t enough.” Eve believe’s these lies and says “Give me that fruit, and let me prove to all of creation that I am great, and that I can rebel. And Adam, I know you’re right here beside me, but I don’t need you to protect me, so please stay silent and don’t fight the battle that you’re meant to fight. I can make my own decisions, I don’t need you to protect me, and I don’t need God.” And she takes the fruit, and falls. She does this because she doesn’t know her true identity. She is not comfortable with the beauty of her perfect femininity that God had just created. Therefore, she feels that she needs to prove something to the world. She feels the need to prove that she is powerful, and doesn’t need anyone.
Now, imagine for a second, that Eve knows her identity. She understands her value and her role as a woman. Imagine that Adam is not afraid. He, too, knows his identity as a strong man of God, and his duty to protect and uphold her dignity as a woman; he knows that he is Eve’s protector. Satan comes and tempts Eve to eat of the tree. Eve says “I will not do that because I don’t need to prove anything to the world. I don’t need to prove that I am the best. I already know that I am the pinnacle of creation, and I was created good. I already know that I am valued, and that God sees me. You are lying to me, and only trying to steal away my knowledge of my dignity.” And with that, Adam stands firm, fights for Eve, and brings her away from Satan. They both acted strongly in their roles. Which story sounds better? In which way did Eve sound more like a powerful and dignified woman? Which version causes you to respect her more?
So women, remind yourself this: I am human… I am a woman. I am a masterpiece. I deserve better than I think I do. I don’t want to be looked at and judged if I’m good enough or worth something or nothing based solely off my appearance. I desire men to dig deep inside to find my worth, as I am a treasure worth searching for. My dignity was never stripped away… I pray for the eyes to be able to see it. I am worth dying for. I’m no better than anyone… Everyone deserves to be loved. As my best friend said once, many years ago, “God does not create cheap masterpieces. So man must step up. If he does not step up, he does not get anything because God’s masterpieces do not step down low for a man who does not treat us the way we deserve.” Inspire true masculinity in men, and see it in them… we need each other. Seek the good in everyone first, but do not let it blind you from possible harm that could be done to you. Learn from your mistakes, move on, and do not make them again. You’re better than that. You’re worth more than you see yourself as. You are not worthless trash; you are not undesirable… you are a beautiful masterpiece worth seeking, finding, knowing, pursuing, and loving. God wants to reveal himself to others through you… he wants the world to change for the better through you. He wants to love others through you and let others receive him through the simple yet complex gift of you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you are worth loving.