The Pressure To Have It All Figured Out

August 23, 2020:

“She’s all put together and got it all figured out.” My. life. is. a. mess. How often do we put the pressure on ourselves to prove that we are more than we are? Or that we can handle more than we can balance? Our expectations for ourselves are so high that when we don’t meet them, we feel like a failure. As if our current good self is not enough for the world? My life is a messy masterpiece; I like to think of it as a complex puzzle with lots of pieces with an image of different colors splattered all over. Maybe a little glitter in there and some splashes of mud, or chocolate, cuz it be like that sometimes, let’s be honest. Messy, complex, but beautiful, right? But it doesn’t always have to be perfectly put together… part of the fun is figuring out how all the pieces fit together. And through the process of finding the pieces, we feel all sorts of emotions: excitement, impatience, surprise, delight, frustration, and doubt. The real question is, who actually does have it all figured out? Nobody. Think about it for a second. So why should we have to put the pressure on ourselves to be the only one in the world with everything figured out?

I’ve run into so many college students this week, especially Freshmen, stressing out about how they don’t have their classes or schedules figured out, and there are so many people to meet and so many names to remember, and everything is new, but rules are constantly changing, and we’re going to school in the middle of a pandemic, and you just want to do everything… or simply nothing at all, but when do you have time for either? Hardly ever. Give yourself a breather… it’s only the first week. If you had a whole new chapter of your life with different people and different surroundings figured out within the first three days, please tell us all how you did it. Because honestly, we put too much pressure on ourselves as human beings who can only do so much before we reach a limit and just need to stop for a moment. Even the most intelligent people in the world are still working to solve problems. Because once we solve one problem, there always seems to be another. Another burden, or another chance… how do you choose to look at it? The questions we ask ourselves will reflect the way we live by the answers we give.

I’m someone who likes to stuff my day: productivity all the way, live each day to the fullest, make it better than yesterday and don’t waste the moments. FOMO is one of my weaknesses, and through all the excitement and craziness, I oftentimes get caught up in the density of my day and forget to take care of… myself… the one who’s walking through this day, reacting to everything it throws at me. If I don’t take care of myself, then what does my day boil down to? My day boils down to the fact that I didn’t take care of myself, and I was too tired to fully function, or too sleep deprived to be fully patient or fully present. If I sit down for a second, I feel as if I need to fill it. If I sit in my room, I know that just outside my door, there are hundreds of unknown opportunities and friends that I could be a part of if I just step out. But there’s homework in front of me, and my day was too jam-packed to do it, and I had 4 hours of sleep last night and it’s already midnight and I’ve got an 8 am tomorrow, but I want to also go out right now and fix every problem in the world. Who else can relate?

Why am I telling you all of this? (Instead of doing the homework that’s right in front of me.) I’m telling you all of this because we so often run ourselves out to the highest limit till we crash. If you struggle with this, here’s how you can cope with it:

1. Remind yourself of all the millions of things that have already happened this week!

2. Okay, maybe a few bad things have happened, but there are countless of good things that have happened. They are all forming you… allow it to make something good of you.

3. Look at how far you’ve come… not how much you have left to accomplish. You’ve already accomplished so much.

4. Sometimes, living each day to the best and fullest it can be is just doing it in a different way. Like sitting down with your thoughts and some coffee. Or lying down and staring at the fan above your head. Or sitting by a friend quietly. Watching nature; Watching the clouds move, watching the grass grow. Appreciating the beauty by stepping back and taking in the view.

Because it’s good to accomplish things. It’s good to be productive. It’s healthy to have a full day. But not at every moment. Some moments were made for the quiet things to have your attention. Some moments were made for sleeping. Some are made for working, and some are made for stopping. My life’s a complex, fun, messy puzzle, but sometimes I need to stop working on it and give myself a little break just for the moment.